Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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