I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
is it fun? or sober?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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