I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
