based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
That's when you crack a 10am beer
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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