I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
