i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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