ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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