so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize