You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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