Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
