If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
