I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
