i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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