apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize