That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
