Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
