i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
