Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
