no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
