Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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