They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
