She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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