My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
