i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
