and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
