I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize