Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i think i have two assholes
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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