ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
