i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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