We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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