Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize