forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
