She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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