She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize