Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
