I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
