i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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