Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
