if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize