At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
