I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize