Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Randomize
