so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
