There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
FUCK WHALES
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
