Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
