Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I think your dad took our porno
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
