shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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