and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
