If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
