He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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