dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
