She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
