i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
