last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
