Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
