she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
