Porn is love you can see.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
