AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
