Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
