There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
