why im i the only drunk person in the library?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
