I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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