i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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