I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
