I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
