Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize