I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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