he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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