You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
