nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
