yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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