If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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