Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
