There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
