I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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