What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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