Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
