There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
