eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
