Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
