I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You're like the curious george of whores
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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