It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
