I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Randomize
