This is not my ceiling
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
