easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
