Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
