none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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