I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize