i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
im holly from the hills drunk
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
