he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
