Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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