Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
