just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
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