Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
