So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
