she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
