my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
