I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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