I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
