i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
