Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
