you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Randomize
