We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize