What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
