Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
