I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
