I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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