drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize