Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
