At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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