She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
