I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
