Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
love makes seman taste better
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
