I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
