She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
