Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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